As an educator, you know the holiday season brings a special energy to your classrooms. There are classroom parties, arts and crafts, holiday concerts, and festive decorations. But for students who have lost a loved one, this typically joyful time can be especially challenging.
With Children’s Grief Awareness Day approaching on November 21, let’s explore how to better support grieving students during the holiday season and beyond.
Understanding Holiday Grief
During the holidays, grieving students may experience:
- Sudden reminders of their loved one (grief triggers)
- Powerful emotional responses to holiday events or traditions
- A renewal of their grief
- Feelings of isolation or vulnerability
- Frustration that they “should be past this” or “able to stay in control”
These responses are normal and can happen the first year after a loss, or many years later.
What You Can Do to Help
At Holiday Events and Activities
- Reach out to grieving students during school events—the absence of a loved one may be especially noticeable during the classroom party or holiday concert.
- Let students know you’re happy to see them at events.
- When planning holiday activities, acknowledge absences and offer alternatives.
- For example, if making family holiday cards, invite students to make cards for someone who is no longer living if they wish.
In Regular Classroom Settings
- Ask open-ended questions like “How are the holidays going for you?”
- Listen more than you talk.
- Accept expressions of emotion without trying to minimize feelings or put a “positive spin” on things.
- Lead class discussions about holiday stories and experiences with sensitivity.
- Consider checking in privately with grieving students after potentially triggering discussions.
The Power of What We Say
Sometimes the most well-intentioned comments can unintentionally cause more hurt. Here are some helpful guidelines:
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Instead of Saying This
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Try Saying This
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“I know just what you’re going through.”
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“Can you tell me more about what this has been like for you?”
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“You must be incredibly angry.”
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“Most people have strong feelings when something like this happens. What has this been like for you?”
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“At least they’re no longer in pain.”
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“What sorts of things have you been thinking about since your loved one died?”
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“You need to be strong now for your family.”
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“How is your family doing? What kinds of concerns do you have about them?”
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Supporting Peer Connections
Classmates often want to help but may not know how. You can:
- Help students understand what their grieving peer is experiencing.
- Give them opportunities to ask questions.
- Provide concrete suggestions for how to be supportive.
- Create a safe environment for sharing thoughts and feelings.
Remember: Your Role Matters
As an educator, you’re uniquely positioned to support grieving students because:
- You see students regularly and can observe their grief responses over time.
- You’re often more emotionally available than grieving family members.
- You can provide a stable, supportive presence.
- You can help students stay connected academically and socially.
Looking Ahead
Children experience grief differently over time. What’s true this holiday season may be different next year. The second year after a loss can actually be more challenging than the first, often when support has diminished. That’s why consistent, ongoing support is so important.
The most powerful thing you can do is simply be present and available. You don’t need to have all the answers or try to fix things. Your willingness to listen and acknowledge what students are going through can make a profound difference.
For more resources on supporting grieving students, visit grievingstudents.org. Find local grief support programs through elunanetwork.org or childrengrieve.org/find-support.